


Adulthood

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Based on a Tumblr Post, Drabble, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 10:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2064267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why did you send me a dildo?”</p><p>There is silence.</p><p>When Laura finally speaks, her voice is strangled, like she’s trying not to laugh at him. “I’m sorry?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adulthood

**Author's Note:**

> because you're not truly an adult until you get an unwanted dildo in the mail

“So, how is it playing adult? Did you get any casseroles from little old ladies down the street? Get into any feuds with your neighbors?”

Derek wishes Laura was here so he could glare at her and all her questions. She isn’t, though. She’s all the way in Seattle, and he really doesn’t want to bother with plane tickets just to fly out and broody eye her into silence, so he settles for glaring at his phone. It’s not the same.

“You there, Derek?”

“Yes,” Derek says with a sigh. “I didn’t get any casseroles. There are no little old ladies here. I haven’t even met my neighbor yet, and I’m not playing adult. I am an adult.”

“I don’t think you upgrade to official adult until after your first year of living alone,” Laura hums. “But more importantly: you live in a duplex. You’ve been there for a month. How could you not have met your neighbor?”

“I’ve been a little busy.”

“Doing what? Watching Netflix?”

Derek scowls at his television, where Netflix is currently playing. “No.”

Laura sighs. “You can’t just hole yourself in your house like a hermit, Derek. You’ve got to get out there, meet new people.”

Derek can tell she’s about to launch herself into Lecture Mode. He doesn’t like lecture mode.

“Listen, Laura. You’re right,” Derek says. “But I’ve got to go. Just remembered I have a conference call for work. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

He hangs up on her before she can really respond.

He’d feel bad about it, but she’ll get over it.

He reaches over to grab his remote and settle back into marathoning Kitchen Nightmares when the sound of the doorbell ringing cuts through the air. It would scare the shit out of him, because it’s an obnoxious doorbell, except he had heard the mailman walk up the steps. He usually didn’t bother with the doorbell, though. He just dropped the mail off and ran.

Sighing to himself, Derek stands and walks over to the door. He pulls it open and looks down at the package sitting on his welcoming mat (that his mother had given him as a joke).

He continues staring at it, confused. He hasn’t ordered anything since he moved. It takes him a second to realize that he probably looks incredibly paranoid, standing in his sweatpants and staring at an innocent box.

Derek can hear Cora laughing at him in his head.

“It’s probably another gag gift,” Derek grumbles to himself as he lifts the box and carries it into his living room.

It’s because of that reasoning that he doesn’t bother to check the address on the box and rips it open.

To reveal a dildo.

Derek stares.

If the dildo had eyes, it’d probably stare back.

Luckily, it doesn’t have eyes. It does have a remote, and a nice glittery purple coating, but no eyes. No staring.

It’s just there. Taking up space in the box that is on his table in his house where he doesn’t usually keeps dildos.

Derek doesn’t realize he’s dialing Laura’s number until she’s answered.

“It’s rude to hang up on-”

“Why did you send me a dildo?”

There is silence.

When Laura finally speaks, her voice is strangled, like she’s trying not to laugh at him. “I’m sorry?”

Derek grits his teeth. “A dildo. You sent me a dildo. How is that funny? Why would you send me this? I don’t need a glittering purple penis, Laura.”

“One, lies. Everyone has a use for glittering penises,” Laura says, which no, but he’s not going to argue with her about it. “And two, I didn’t send you that. I’m pretty sure nobody sent you that.”

“What do you mean no one sent it? It was on my door. Someone had to send it for it to get here,” Derek snaps.

Laura sighs. “Derek, did you check the address?”

He freezes. “What?”

“Check the address, dumbass,” Laura says, before hanging up on him.

He’d text her to let her know how rude it is to do that, but he has more pressing matters right now. Like the dildo.

Derek slowly lifts the box to look at the address on it and feels himself flushing what’s probably an unattractive shade of red. It’s his neighbor’s. His neighbor that he has never met, only seen and silently pinned over whenever he watched her mow the grass or go out on walks.

He briefly considers throwing it in the trash out back and pretending that none of this ever happened, but then Unnamed Attractive Neighbor will probably contact the company. The company will tell her the order was delivered. She could find it in the trash. She’d know that he opened her sex toy order. She’d think he was a creep.

Derek does not generally care what people think about him, but he doesn’t want his neighbor to think that he has a weird fetish for stealing people’s sex toys. So, he decides to do the responsible thing.

He puts on a shirt, closes the box, and walks next door.

His hands won’t stop shaking and it gets worse when the door swings open.

Unnamed Attractive Neighbor eyes him for a moment, looking very distrusting before she offers him a small smile. “Hi. You’re my new neighbor, right?”

“Right,” Derek confirms.

They stare at each other.

It’s profoundly awkward.

“Is there a reason you’re here?” Unnamed Attractive Neighbor finally asks, pushing a stand of black hair behind her ears. Her smile kind of turns into a smirk and she nods towards his own door. “If you’re lost, your house is just right over there.”

“No,” Derek says. “I mean, no, I’m not lost. I, uh…the mailman…I got this on accident. And I opened it. Accidentally. I don’t have a fetish for stealing sex toys,” he finishes, thrusting the box at her.

She takes it from him, the smile gone now as she looks down at the box.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is embarrassing,” Derek says, running a hand through his hair. He can hear his whole family laughing at him, now. This isn’t fair. He’s usually the one that’s reducing people to stammering.

To his surprise, his neighbor looks up and smiles again. It’s big, and genuine this time, and she starts to laugh.

“Are…are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she says, waving her hand through her giggles. “This, oh my God. This isn’t mine. This is my roommate’s. She’s going to be so embarassed when I tell her this.”

“That’s…great?”

“It’s fantastic,” she says when she’s finally done laughing. “You know, I was making myself dinner when you came over.”

“Oh,” Derek says. “I’m sorry. I’ll let you get back to it,” he adds, turning to walk away.

“No, that’s not what I was saying,” Unnamed Attractive Neighbor says, her voice sharp enough to make him turn back towards her. She’s holding her hand out to him and when Derek looks at it in confusion, she grins. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Braeden.”

Derek continues staring at her, but grasps her hand and it shakes it. “Derek.”

“Well, Derek. Like I was saying, I was making myself dinner before you came. I always make enough for me and my roomie, but I’m figuring she’s gonna be too embarrassed to come out of her room for a week, let alone eat. Want to come in?”

Derek matches her smile with one of his own. “I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> idea came from this post: http://camillamacaulayy.tumblr.com/post/70878388086/grinchtaire-camillamacaulayy-accidentally
> 
> come visit me at my tumblr, i'm sourskitles
> 
> i'm an obnoxious scott and braeden stan


End file.
